STEPHEN FRY: WHAT I WISH I'D KNOWN WHEN I WAS 18

1
00:00:05 --> 00:00:11
Technology is like a mirror. If an idiot looks into it you can't expect Apostol to look out.

2
00:00:11 --> 00:00:18
It's, it's... I remember when I first saw some Photoshop,

3
00:00:18 --> 00:00:22
the very first version of it called Pixel, in fact very early version,

4
00:00:22 --> 00:00:25
and I saw some things it could do, and I couldn't wait

5
00:00:25 --> 00:00:27
to put it on to floppy disks into my computer

6
00:00:27 --> 00:00:31
and I raised my finger and I thought:

7
00:00:31 --> 00:00:37
"Oh, I don't have any artistic talent. Ha-ha-ha... what's the point?"

8
00:00:37 --> 00:00:42
It's like if you get a great keyboard, but you have nothing to express musically

9
00:00:42 --> 00:00:44
it don't matter how good midi is

10
00:00:44 --> 00:00:49
and how many synthesized sampled instruments you have, it facilitates it.

11
00:00:49 --> 00:00:52
The great thing about social networking,

12
00:00:52 --> 00:00:55
which at the time we're talking of course is still growing in what seams an exponential rate

13
00:00:55 --> 00:01:04
all the time upper curve of it is that everybody has a talent to interact with other people

14
00:01:05 --> 00:01:07
short of being on autistic spectrum of course,

15
00:01:07 --> 00:01:15
which is something many people are in very small ways or in greater ways.

16
00:01:15 --> 00:01:20
And even that could be helped by the interactions off the internet.

17
00:01:21 --> 00:01:25
And I think, forgetting the technology, forgetting what your device can do,

18
00:01:25 --> 00:01:29
forgetting how good the camera is, anything like that,

19
00:01:29 --> 00:01:32
the most successful usage you can make of for example Twitter or Facebook

20
00:01:32 --> 00:01:36
any of those social networking services

21
00:01:36 --> 00:01:41
is... are completely down to your personality, absolutely to do with who you are.

22
00:01:42 --> 00:01:46
I think, particularly in America, it's common more across the World

23
00:01:46 --> 00:01:54
there is this yearning for people to find answers to techniques that will make them happy or rich.

24
00:01:54 --> 00:02:01
In fact probably other order: rich and then happy, because of course richness gives happiness, doesn't it? Hm...

25
00:02:01 --> 00:02:12
Well, to me... if I had known when I was younger, chasing technique, chasing an answer is fatal.

26
00:02:12 --> 00:02:16
And I would say this, and many people will scream in disbelief,

27
00:02:16 --> 00:02:20
the worst thing you can do with your life is set yourself the goals.

28
00:02:21 --> 00:02:27
I think goal-orientation is absolutely disastrous in life.

29
00:02:27 --> 00:02:30
Two things happen: one — you don't meet your goals, you call yourself a failure.

30
00:02:30 --> 00:02:34
Secondly — you meet your goal, you go: "Well, I'm hear, and now what?

31
00:02:34 --> 00:02:43
I'm not happy. I've got this car, this job, I'm living in this address, which I thought the place I wanted to be, and... what?"

32
00:02:43 --> 00:02:46
Because you're going for something outside yourself, and that's no good.

33
00:02:46 --> 00:02:50
My favorite quotation almost (or at least for the moment) is from Noel Coward

34
00:02:50 --> 00:02:56
who's very great actor, producer, writer, musician,

35
00:02:56 --> 00:03:01
he is all around, he is known as Master by everyone who knew, because he is ... for everything

36
00:03:01 --> 00:03:06
and he said: "Work is more fun than fun."

37
00:03:07 --> 00:03:15
And if I have known that real joy in life is work, and if you

38
00:03:15 --> 00:03:18
can say of the work you do that it's more fun than fun, then you're in the right place.

39
00:03:18 --> 00:03:22
Most of us of course don't have that all the time,

40
00:03:22 --> 00:03:26
but every time you look in the bathroom mirror in the morning,

41
00:03:26 --> 00:03:28
if you can say: "Is my work — more fun than fun?

42
00:03:28 --> 00:03:34
Or is it dreddy water, is it getting me to a wage package, which allows me to go to bars,

43
00:03:34 --> 00:03:40
and buy things." If that's it, then that's bit of a treadmill I think.

44
00:03:40 --> 00:03:46
And everyone has in them to express themselves that fundamental thing that they know they are inside

45
00:03:46 --> 00:03:53
that rather beautiful afraid person, which might get translated into aggression or silence

46
00:03:53 --> 00:03:59
or shines or all kinds of other things, but inside we know we are huggable, lovable, we want to love and be loved.

47
00:04:00 --> 00:04:07
That person is yearning for fulfillment to be the person they know they can be.

48
00:04:07 --> 00:04:11
And that's a constant journey, a process.

49
00:04:11 --> 00:04:17
It's not about acquiring this thing, and then that thing, getting to this place, learning this technique,

50
00:04:17 --> 00:04:22
finding out how this works. It's about, I suppose to me

51
00:04:22 --> 00:04:27
it's about the fact that other people are always more interesting than oneself.

52
00:04:27 --> 00:04:32
And if there is a thing... Let's forget what successful people have in common,

53
00:04:32 --> 00:04:35
If there is a thing what unsuccessful people have in common is:

54
00:04:35 --> 00:04:38
they talk about themselves all the time.

55
00:04:38 --> 00:04:43
"I need to do this. I need..." — the first two words are usually "I need",

56
00:04:43 --> 00:04:48
and that's why nobody likes them, and that's why they'll never get where they want to be.

57
00:04:48 --> 00:04:54
Because it's "I need, I, me, I, my..." —

58
00:04:54 --> 00:04:58
there is an English word for that: egocentric or egoistical or egotistical.

59
00:04:58 --> 00:05:01
That all of it from "ego" that I think of an "I"...

60
00:05:01 --> 00:05:04
and if you just say "I" all the time, you'll get nowhere.

61
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:10,000
If you interested in other people, if you use your eyes to look out, not to be looked into,

62
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000
and then you connect, then you're interesting,

63
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,000
then people want to be around you,

64
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,000
and it's about the warmth and the charm you can radiate

65
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,000
that is real because of your positive interest in others

66
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:29,000
and if you expected to come to you "I've never had this" or "I was..." you know, you hate people...

67
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,000
You know I happened to love... I know a lot of people don't.

68
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:37,000
But I happened to love the works of William Shakespeare, the poet and playwriter,

69
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:41,000
I think they are amongst the greatest things humanity has ever done.

70
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:45,000
Up there, with the Pyramids, or whatever it is you want to choose.

71
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:49,000
You know the number of times you hear people say "Oh, it was ruined for me at school"

72
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:58,000
and I, I tend to say to them "Yeah, I don't really like the Grand Canyon, or the Lake District, or the Mountains Of Scotland

73
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,000
because I’ve had really bad Geography teacher so I don't find either of it very beautiful"

74
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000
I mean just non-sensical.

75
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:09,000
You just.. It's a sign of people stopping back and blaming something else rather than just saying

76
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,000
"Oh, I wasn't ready for that, maybe I never will be,

77
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,000
but I'm not gonna blame someone else for it".

78
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,000
It's.. It's attitude of looking in wounds

79
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000
and American television is filled with people

80
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000
sitting in chairs on it's sort of afternoon talk-shows

81
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:28,000
going "I need"-whining, whining about their lives.

82
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,000
"I'm beautiful, I'm lovely and yet nobody... You know, I'm special, I have needs..."

83
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,000
Oh! Shut up, stop whining.

84
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,000
Just grow up and get a life,

85
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,000
and look around you to other people,

86
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,000
and don't expect other people to care,

87
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,000
don't expect people to be interested.

88
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:47,000
Who, who'd you feel more sorryful, who'd you actually want to hug?

89
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,000
The person you happen to know

90
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,000
has a tumor and he just getting through life

91
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,000
not talking about it, smiling, trying not to embarrass anybody about it,

92
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,000
or that kind of person "I have a leg that hurt, that one..

93
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,000
and I have this pain here, and doctors don't know what to do about it, and I get these flashes.."

94
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:07,000
Oh, Christ, I'm sure it's terrible for you, dear, but shut up!

95
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:12,000
You just don't... No, of course, we do our best to feel sorry for all kinds of people

96
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:18,000
or we show sympathy, but the real heroism of people who quietly get on with their lives

97
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,000
and think of others should be ruled and usually is

98
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:26,000
by the fact they are liked and if you like people want to be with you, people want to be with you,

99
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:33,000
they show opportunities with you, and you observe the way they do things and your life can open up,

100
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,000
and there are opportunities everywhere, whether it is a small town